Hi there hive. You might have noticed I've been MIA lately. While I've poured over the reasons and emotions of this for a while now, to make a long story short, Mr. Woodpecker and I first put our wedding on hold after several arguments and doubts about our impending marriage. We tried to repair things, but other things happened, and things unfortunately got worse instead of getting better. So, we called off the wedding.
It wasn't easy. There were weeks of tears and many less-than-desirable words exchanged. There was a lot of love, but we soon found out that love alone doesn't make a marriage. You also need trust, dedication, and a commitment to each other, no matter what. Things got ugly, really ugly. Things happened that I couldn't forgive and move on from. I'll spare the details for the sake of mine and his privacy, but our relationship at that point was beyond repair.
I doubted myself a million times. I did not want to be that person with a failed engagement. I did not want to face my family, friends, and you guys with this news. I wanted our marriage/wedding to work more than anything. But after much contemplation, I realized that the issues between us would not go away, and marriage would not fix these issues. People kept telling me that I was better off realizing this now than 5 months after marriage, but that did not help. It still hurt. Finally, things got a teeny bit better, and with the support of some of family and friends, I was able to realize that I had been in a pretty dark cloud throughout our engagement. When we called this off, I was devastated, and sad to the core. But you know what? That dark cloud has moved on a little bit. The hurt, sadness and lost trust was still there, but I felt a little better about my future.
I have loved the time I have spent on the hive, and the support and courage of the women on here never ceases to amaze me. I spent time reading over some of the older bees stories who had gone through the same thing, and even read many similar posts from some of you on the boards. And the thing that has gotten me through this ordeal has been my amazing family, and my amazing friends. Seriously, I could cry tears of joy in between the tears of sadness over how loved I have felt from everyone in my life.
So thank you guys for being a part of my wedding planning journey. I still be hanging around the hive, and hope to check it with you all in the future.
Lots of love,